Executive Coaching - On the Fly

An employee stops by their supervisor's office to inform them of a problem and asks the supervisor for solutions.

Or

A team member complains to his/her peers about an issue and that "senior management" needs to do something to address the issue. 

Or

A senior manager gets frustrated when her team is not proactive, so she jumps right into problem solving mode whenever an issue arises.

These are common challenges facing leaders and teams as an unintended consequence of old school business hierarchy and a business culture that lacks a sense of empowerment. Such a culture creates a paradox where managers are frustrated with team members who rarely propose solutions while team members are frustrated because they do not have the authority to do things differently. 

There is a better way. By requiring individuals to lead with recommendations, they begin to develop problem solving skills and feel a greater sense of initiative and ownership. Regardless of authority, individual contributors and teams should be asked and rewarded for binging ideas to the table, not just problems. 

The next time a direct report or team member brings a problem to your attention, ask them if they have considered alternatives for fixing the problem. If so, thank them and recognize their initiative. If not, encourage them to return after they have consulted with some other team members and have some ideas on how to solve the issue. Obviously, it takes more than a few questions to create a new culture and/or behavior, But, it's a start. . 

If you would like to learn more about our executive coaching services, please reach out to us so we can discuss how you can push problem solving and deeper into your organization to allow you to scale your business and grow. You and your team will find the work more fulfilling as well. 

 If you feel like you’re responsible for everyone right now, you’re not alone.

Many leaders I work with are living some version of the same story: aging parents, family members who need support, teams that need direction, boards that expect performance, and a body and mind that are quietly asking, “What about me?”

I know how it feels to be overwhelmed, responsible for many people, and still trying to live your values.

I’m not writing this from a mountaintop of enlightenment. I’m writing as someone who has been in the middle of the “sandwich generation” reality—supporting family members on one side while also caring deeply about the wellbeing, performance, and future of the teams and clients I serve. All while trying to sustain a consulting and coaching practice, a partnership, and some semblance of personal health.

This is not a theoretical problem. It’s a human one.

Most senior leaders I meet pride themselves on responsibility and achievement. They want to have an impact that outlives their role. Those are powerful values. They’re also values that can quietly turn against us when we’re under chronic stress.

We start to believe things like:

• “If I don’t carry this, everything will fall apart.”
• “Once we get through this phase, then I’ll take care of myself and focus on what I want to build.”

The problem is that “this phase” can last for years.

In that state, even our values can get twisted:

• Health becomes something we preach but don’t protect in our own schedules.
• Empathy becomes over-functioning for others while resenting them silently.
• Independence is something we want for ourselves and for others. e instinctively grab back control when we’re scared.
• Sustainability gives way to “just one more season of overwork.”
• Responsibility becomes a weight we carry for everyone, not with them.
• Achievement / Having Impact shifts from meaningful contribution to constant pressure to prove ourselves and to never let anyone down.

I’m an executive coach and consultant, but at my core I’m an operator. I’ve led teams through turnarounds, ambiguity, and growth. I cannot control or fix every situation. I can control my attitude and response. I have to consistently work on addressing the following question: “How do I show up today in a way that’s consistent with my values, even when I’m tired, scared, or frustrated?” 

Instead of waiting to feel less overwhelmed before taking action, take small steps:

• Health: What is one small act of stewardship for my body or mind today? A walk in the fresh air and a real meal instead of grazing between calls.
• Empathy: How can I listen to someone I care about—without fixing, managing, or rescuing them? Sometimes the most empathic move is to stay present and stop over-functioning.
• Independence: Where am I doing for others what they need to learn to do for themselves? Can I shift from control to coaching?
• Sustainability: If I don't change behavior for another 3 months, what will break first—my health, my marriage, a relationship with a family or team member, or my business? What can change by 5–10% now, not 50% later?
• Responsibility: Am I being responsible to the people in my life (showing up honestly, consistently), or trying to be responsible for their feelings, choices, and outcomes?
• Achievement / Having Impact: Where can I create meaningful impact in a focused, sustainable way, instead of trying to be everything to everyone? What’s the one place my effort matters most this week?

These questions don’t remove the load. They make it more manageable and a little less automatic.

Here are three simple practices I’ve seen help leaders in the thick of it (and that I use myself):

1. The “Control / Influence / Witness” List

Once a week, take 10 minutes and sort your biggest worries into three columns:

• Control: My actions, my schedule, my boundaries, my communication.
• Influence: What behaviors can I model? How can I frame conversations? What questions can I ask instead of making statements like "you should." 
• Witness: Parents aging, family members’ choices, the economy, other people’s emotional reactions.

Then ask:

“Where am I spending energy trying to control what’s really in the ‘witness’ column?”

Letting go doesn’t mean not caring. It means redirecting energy to where you can act with integrity and impact.

2. One Boundary, Clearly Communicated

Each week, identify one boundary you need to clarify—with a family member, your team, your board, or yourself. Here are some Examples:

• “Please try to resolve this issue on your own first, if you are unable, I will then try to see what I can do to help."
• "Do not text me after 8 pm unless it’s an emergency.”
• “I will not commit to projects I cannot sustain without sacrificing my health.”

Then: say it out loud, kindly and clearly. Boundaries are not a lack of empathy; they’re a precondition for sustainable empathy and real impact.

3. Reach Out for Support—Even If You’re the One Others Lean On

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that even executive coaches need support. Being the person others come to for clarity, encouragement, or strategy does not mean you’re supposed to carry everything alone.

I rely on:

• Peer group members
• Friends
• Mentors
• Other coaches

to help me process what I’m carrying, challenge my thinking, and remind me of my own values when the noise gets loud. For many leaders, asking for help feels like a weakness or an admission that they’re not as strong as they appear. I see it differently:

Reaching out is a strategic choice—to protect your Health, honor your Responsibility, sustain your Impact, and stay grounded in Empathy (for yourself and others).

If you don’t already have that circle, consider:

• A small, trusted peer group of other leaders.
• One or two friends you can be completely honest with about the pressures you’re facing.
• A mentor or coach who understands both the operational and human sides of leadership.

You weren’t meant to do this alone. None of us are.